Over the years we have had many people try to offer up "Well Meaning" words....that frankly should have stayed in their mouths. Here are some Top Comments (I will star the ones said by more than one person):
1. If it was meant to be....it will be*- Seriously people...does that mean it was meant for me to endure the torture of loss over and over again? I swear I am jealous of the women who just don't get pregnant....you look at the stick...it says, "not pregnant", you get depressed, you move on. I look at a stick, it most always says, "Pregnant", I panic, sweat, go to multiple drawn out appointments, and endure DAYS of the physical torture when the baby passes away, followed by weeks of Post Traumatic Stress.
2. You must be trying for a boy*- Ummmmm.....actually we would be happy with "Alive". Even if we pursued adoption, we would take what we got. I'm not "putting in an order".
3. Kevin can only shoot out girls***- I know he laughs about this himself....but I don't think people realize what message they are sending. Frankly....out of 9 pregnancies....you think statistically none of them were boys? Really? Go back to math class.
4. You should appreciate the children you have****- This has nothing to do with not appreciating my children. We have a dream to have a large family, and we want our children to have a lot of siblings to grow old with. I don't try to edit your dreams....please respect ours.
5. So if the baby has Down Syndrome and is a boy, are you still going to name him after Kevin?- Yes....this was said. It is still hurtful to even remember the words. Why would my baby be considered less of a baby to be able to carry Kevin's name?!
6. What are you going to DO if the baby has Down Syndrome?!- The tone led me to believe that the person was insinuating that life would be SO horrific we should consider termination. This made me sick to my stomach. My response was "We are going to live our LIVES and move on!"
7. You should just stop trying!- Oh....I didn't realize that you had an opinion regarding our reproductive health and life.
8. You must not be able to carry boys!- Ummm.....technically I have not asked for the gender of any of the babies we have lost. I'm not even sure how to respond to that one.
9. "So and So" only have two children and are happy! You should be happy too!- It isn't that I am NOT happy with my current children. See #4.
10. She doesn't look like she has Down Syndrome, I've worked in Special Education for years and I can usually pick them right out! (said to me by some stranger at the ENT office)- UMMM....thank you for your "expert" opinion. What does "Down Syndrome LOOK like" to you? I didn't realize that ALL people with Down Syndrome look the same! Let me call up the geneticist and have her check those chromosome results....maybe they were wrong....
11- This one isn't even well meaning...I just wanted to put it out there. DO NOT use the word "Retarded" around me, or my family (or anyone for that matter) in a derogatory manner. It is rude and offensive. I also despise the word "SPED" as in "She's a SPED kid". Know that each time you use these words....you are stomping on my heart and that of my children. How about you treat my child respectfully like the human being she is?
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