Baby Savannah

Ka Ching! Pregnant again. This time I am on an arsenal of pharmaceuticals. I am taking baby aspirin daily, as well as using progesterone, and in a desperate attempt to figure this out....I am injecting the mucous of pig intestines into my stomach each night (also known as Lovenox....and it is a blood thinner used to prevent unruly blood clots from suffocating my babies oxygen source).

By this time we are SO superstitious that we don't DARE speak of this pregnancy to anybody (except for our "Auntie Barb"). I have had a really hard time seeing pregnant people for quite some time. I needed to keep reminding myself that I didn't know their story. I didn't know their background. I could NOT judge them. It turned out that one of my best friends was also pregnant.....and horribly sick. Now, I don't blame her for being down....being sick stinks....unless it is your only indication that a pregnancy is healthy. You see....when pregnant with both of my daughters....I was puking my guts out. With every miscarriage I had....I maybe had a day of dizziness or queasiness....but it would quickly fade. Google it if you want and it is possible to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy without morning sickness..but morning sickness is like a reassurance stamp (and has been proven that those with morning sickness have a lower rate of miscarriage). My mother was lucky...no miscarriages, no morning sickness, three children...DONE. What killed me is that my friend would tell me about how miserable she was. Granted....she had NO idea how much I envied her situation. Yes....I would have liked to be THAT sick at that point in time. It isn't that I didn't want to hear about her pregnancy...I just wanted to hear that she was looking forward to the baby. Tell me about the nursery....tell me about your hopes, dreams, etc. Please, please, please.....do not complain to me about being pregnant.
If you are reading this....please don't hate me. I love you and I know that you had no intention of hurting me.

Things seemed to be going well....I had a few small bleeds, but the MFM attributed it to a subchorionic hemorrhage. At 10.5 weeks....babies heartbeat was excellent....150's, and growth was perfect. We happily loaded in the car and headed to NY for Thanksgiving to FINALLY share with our family. While staying at my parents house, my father noticed the arsenal of needles and told me that I was "stupid". I know that he said it because he didn't want to see me in danger....but could you have used a different term rather than "stupid"? The cat was out of the bag. By the end of Thanksgiving, all family members knew that things were looking up! On the 8 hour car ride....we had even settled on the name Savannah for a girl.

Black Friday Tradition. Every Black Friday my mother and I force march the mall and local stores. Yes....we are part of the crazy crowd....but the 10am crowd....not the 4am crowd. We were in the Bon-Ton and I was purchasing new frying pans (great deal), when I didn't feel well. My mother paid for the pans as I excused myself to the restroom. Spotting. My arch nemesis had shown its ugly face. I tried not to panic and wrote it off that I had done a lot of walking and I was on blood thinners which would make me more prone to bleeding. We went to have lunch and head home. The next day, my mother and I took the girls to see the movie Tangled. I had that eerie feeling that something was still not right.

That Sunday I was packing and had gone into the bathroom to take a shower. I had been wearing a medi-alert bracelet due to the blood thinners.....and it ominously fell off of my wrist. The clasp had broken and it tumbled onto the hard tile floor (I can still hear the clank). At that very moment, I began bleeding and knew immediately that I needed to get to a hospital. Kevin and I rushed off and left the girls with my parents. We accidentally took a wrong turn and went to the wrong hospital. I meant to go one place, but ended up at the hospital I was actually born at. Either way....they did an ultrasound and confirmed that baby Savannah had passed away. We were devastated. How could this happen?! This is impossible! Her perfect little body lay motionless on the screen. The told me that there was no way I was going to be able to travel back to NH without risking bleeding to death on the way. My only option was another D&C. I actually insisted the do another ultrasound beforehand to make sure they weren't mistaken. I was on the brink of losing my mind.

How could this happen.....again?

Upon returning to NH, the physician in NY called me at home. It turned out that our little baby had Trisomy 9 (three copies of the 9th chromosome). Again.....VERY rare. She wanted to call to make sure we had both had our chromosomes tested. We had. The genetic counselor called me upon learning the news and shared that the entire office was in shock. She described it as "lightening striking twice" that we would have two very rare disorders occur. I was then referred to Boston IVF. After a lot of research I found the New England Fertility Center and a Dr. there that specialized in recurrent losses. I made an appointment to pick his brain.