After a year of pure bliss being new parents to Elizabeth, Kevin and I decided that we wanted to add to our family. I got pregnant again right away....literally. I was still working at the middle school and had a great circle of friends that I also worked with. Plus, my loving husband worked just upstairs! We even coached a cross country team together. After reviewing the daycare rates where we lived, we realized that two teachers were going to be eating a lot of Cheerios to make ends meet. I had always wanted to go into school administration and was accepted into a program that started that summer. things were looking up! As a few weeks passed, I realized that I didn't feel right....I just had this gut feeling that things were not going well. I called my ob/gyn office only to be told that they would not see me as they "couldn't do anything anyways". I turned into an instantaneous wreck and was terrified to move (not easy to do when you work in a school). It was the end of the year....and rumors were spreading throughout the building. Clearly I wasn't myself. The school year came to an end and two days into summer vacation, I ended up in the ER (thank you Dr's office for refusing to see me). Our baby had a beautiful heartbeat at 7.5 weeks of 110bpm and appeared to be doing well. The growth was on track and the bleeding could not be explained. We went home and I laid on the couch re-evaluating my belief in a God. By that evening I had miscarried at home and we lost our little bean. I was told by the Dr. on-call to "collect everything for genetic testing and keep it in the fridge" (yes....the fridge....a bit morbid and mentally whacked at that point in time). So we did what we were told. We went in to the office the next day for a follow up ultrasound, only to be greeted by the ultrasound technician intern who bubbly exclaimed, "OH! Are we here to find out if we are having a boy or a girl!".....this is the first piece of evidence of multiple offices that have the worst communication skills I have witnessed. Ummmmm, "NO". Everything was confirmed at that appointment and I handed over everything for "genetic testing". When I called in 2 weeks time to find out the results, the office claimed they had "No Record" of any testing that had been done. Yup....that's right. They LOST my baby. I was LIVID. Not only did they lose everything....the OB/GYN who spoke to me on the phone actually told me that I was being "argumentative". No lady....I am a HORMONAL WRECK AND SHOULD FRANKLY SUE YOU FOR MALPRACTICE. How does an office "LOSE" something like that?! I immediately went into the office and demanded my medical records. They attempted to charge me a ridiculous rate. I was quickly ushered into the office managers office where I explained the situation. She quickly handed over my files.....FREE of charge. I had been warned to leave that practice and didn't need to be persuaded any more.
At this point, I believe I lost my faith in any higher "being". I wanted to slap anybody who exclaimed, "It just wasn't meant to be"! Ummmm....let me re-word that for you.....if it wasn't meant to be.....then "Why would I ever get pregnant to begin with?" People need to seriously think before they open their mouths. I know they were well meaning....but jeepers. I remember sitting in a graduate class looking at the cross on the wall and silently cursing it out (it was a Catholic College). An older woman who was in my class shared with me that she had lost 4 pregnancies but also had 4 children. I remember being terrified that this nightmare could happen again....but now I look back and wish I could thank her for sharing a piece of her life and story with me because it DID help in the future.
My ultrasound picture of Baby Henry #1 was neatly placed into a small photo album and tucked neatly away into my top drawer.
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