This is my #1 Pet Peeve....
Don't compare my children to ANYBODY. Each child is unique and deserves to be able to grow. No child grows at a steady rate....there are leaps and bounds and plateaus along the way. When we had Elizabeth I constantly heard from various people that we were feeding her too much (she was OFF the growth chart....but proportionally off meaning her head was over the 90th percentile, as was her weight, and height. She didn't have any abnormal features. I fed her when she was hungry (granted she got regular breakfast, lunch and dinner). She has always been a tall girl. By the time she was walking around she completely sprouted up and in. She is a bean sprout....a very tall bean sprout. At soccer two summers ago a woman sitting on the bench next to me commented on her defined quads and calf muscles in her legs....yes....they are defined....and muscular. She wanted to know what I was "doing with her"...as though I had her on some specific diet and on a training regimen. She was FOUR. I had her going to a combination ballet/tap class on Saturdays....that was IT. Where do people get these ideas from?!
Alison was born and she was actually smaller than Elizabeth by 10oz at birth. She also grew quickly. A nurse actually asked what I was feeding her. Ummmmm.....breastmilk. I think she thought I was slipping her baby growth hormones. Alison was also off the charts. The comments never stopped about her weight though. I swear she was going to develop an eating disorder by the age of 6 months just from people's comments. She is HUGE...blah blah blah. My mother THANK GOD reminded people that my oldest brother was also the largest as a baby and is now able to eat anything and is super thin (not anorexic....but healthy). Thank you MOM! Alison has come into her own. She is not string bean thin, but she is not overweight by any means either. She is just a different build from her sister and has more curves (guess whose pants stay on better?). She is definitely a power house though....and VERY athletic. I begged the YMCA to put her in the older class because her gross motor skills were able to handle it and she was able to appropriately pay attention like the older kids because she had been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old. She did phenomenally well. She is currently in a dance class for older girls too...but is still doing well. She has natural talents.
Josie Posie...the biggest at birth at 8lbs 9oz (pure McDonald Happy Meals and Mac N' Cheese). Granted it was good she was so big, because thanks to being so severely jaundiced....those extra pounds melted away quickly. Due to the Down Syndrome she has shortened long bones. Now...my father also has short legs (no offense Dad....but I'm not sure it is just the Down Syndrome...or the luck of the draw of the gene pool on this one). I am also just a simple 5'3"....so no lanky model legs here either. Josie is doing VERY well according to her therapist (and her family). She is sitting up, and rolls to get around. She does sit like Houdini. Nobody quite sees how she does it, but when you look away, she pops up. She isn't walking yet, or cruising. Now here is where her lower tone does come into play. It is not that she isn't muscular. That is not what low tone is. Low tone means that it takes much more mental energy for your brain to tell your muscles what to do, and for your muscles to actually DO it. She is actually VERY strong. But her muscles don't cooperate all of the time. She did surprise me today....her first birthday. She stood up a bit with me holding on to her under her arms and didn't lean into me as much! Such a proud moment! She also has a hard time communicating. She hasn't passed a hearing test yet. We are working on teaching her sign language. I do luck out in that category as I was pretty good at sign when I was a kid thanks to having a good friend growing up who had spina bifida and couldn't speak. It hasn't been that hard to pick back up. Josie tries to please...you can see it in her eyes. What drives me batty is when other people with typical children try to measure her up to their child (or grandchild). I don't believe in doing that between typical children, let alone those with unique needs. If I have to hear, "Well So and So is doing this already....isn't Josie doing that?!".....I might puke (you may want to ask the Illiterate Dr. from the peds ward in my previous post to borrow her Crocs as I may purposely aim at your shoes). I understand worried parents asking another parent when their child ALREADY accomplished something. I did this the other day. I asked a good friend of mine who has a daughter with Down Syndrome as well when her daughter started crawling, cruising, then walking. I was trying to gauge for myself whether we were on a pretty good track, or whether she needed more Physical Therapy.
I remember asking my friends who were Speech Language Pathologists about Elizabeth and Alison's speech. Elizabeth was a late talker and so was Alison. They both spoke (beyond Mama, Dada...) at 16/17 months. I was concerned they may need speech therapy. All of my friends put my mind at ease telling me that it was still "OK". When they did talk....my God....it was in full sentences. All that time and they were just soaking it all in. Alison had a severe stutter for a good 6 months. I mean SEVERE. Again, my good friends happily explained that when the brain has a language explosion and the oral motor muscles can't keep up....a temporary stutter can appear. Again...this was what happened and I have my friends to thank for putting my mind at ease. Alison also doesn't pronounce her /R/s. I'm not sure that is a huge issue. Her teacher when she was 2 was from England (she came home telling me that she "fell on me bum"), and her teacher from her 3s preschool had a thick Boston accent. I am pretty sure that based on where we live, her speech would be considered the "dialect", and not really an impediment!
Here is the difference. I am asking my friends because I AM THE ONE CONCERNED about MY OWN CHILD. I am not trying to compare my children to their children in that mine are "one upping" anybody! Stop trying to tell me that "So and So is doing this.....isn't [insert name here]?" I will not have my children growing up with a feeling of eternal inferiority. Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses....EVERYBODY. Cherish what your strengths are and help others when they are down or struggling. Is that so hard to do?
*At one of our last pediatrician appointments I was told that Elizabeth and Alison were "nicely re-approaching the growth chart"....where were they before? Mars? I looked at the chart and there were a ton of colored dots floating above the chart. I just chuckled. Sometimes it is OK to be "off the grid"!
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